Teenage Ariel &… Tori Spelling

When I was 14 years old, I wrote something of a manifesto. It wasn’t about wanting to change the world or start a revolution. It didn’t apply any theories of economics or philosophy or academic schools of thought. And actually, it had pictures, so maybe it wasn’t a manifesto so much as a picture essay. It certainly dissected the issue though.

It was about Tori Spelling.

An avid Beverly Hills 90210 viewer for its entire run, I watched Tori Spelling transform from a big-haired, tiny-waisted, ditzy virgin to a short-haired, even tinier-waisted woman, through a bleached blonde to brown hair colour palette… and a few — ahem — body enhancements. Slightly mean-spirited though it was, I — a mouthy teenager who hadn’t yet discovered vanity or makeup –was indignant that Tori Spelling was meant to be a role model to young girls.

Tori Spelling would become a well to which I would sarcastically return for creative writing/thinking assignments throughout high school. In Grade 10 English, she was one of three people with whom I wanted to have dinner with (another was my recently passed grandmother) — and it was just so that I could tell her that I thought she was the worst. In Grade 12, I wrote an acrostic poem of her name, mocking her. I actually performed that one in front of a paying crowd.

Thinking back on it, I feel a twinge of regret. It never occurred to me that Tori Spelling probably had enough insecurities to fill the 56,000 square foot mansion where she grew up.

I totally applaud Tori Spelling for continuing to make a career for herself after the blatant nepotism that cast her as the most follically offensive virgin in history. And for turning her home-wrecking love affair on the set of a TV movie (filmed in my hometown of Ottawa!) into multiple television shows and some admittedly adorable children. The amount of mileage she has gotten out of the name Tori Spelling is nothing short of remarkable.

My Tori bashing is the closest I have ever gotten to being a ‘Mean Girl.’ I know it can’t have been easy growing up Tori. That being said, I present without comment a clip from True Tori, her Lifetime docu-series.