Celebrity BFF Cage Match: Anna Kendrick Vs. Jennifer Lawrence

”Pop quiz, hotshot. There’s a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. Anna Kendrick and Jennifer Lawrence are both on the bus and you can only save one of them and whomever you save will be your new celeb best friend forever! What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?”

Jennifer Lawrence basically spent all of 2013 as THE celeb everyone wanted to have as their Best Friend. (Hmm, this is probably limited to girls. I’m pretty sure all guys would rather have sex with her).

jennifer lawrence silly

It all started with her charming trip up the stairs at the 2013 Academy Awards to accept her Academy Award for Best Actress.

jennifer lawrence fall

As someone who trips over her own feet on the regular, I could totally relate. With her zany red carpet interviews  — armpit vaginas, anyone? —  and consistently funny acceptance speeches, she’s like the more charming version of you. the version of you that could pull off a Mia Farrow pixie cut and make a guffaw sound adorable (note: this version of you does not exist, only Jennifer Lawrence can be these things, stop kidding yourself, fool). Coming into 2014, she was looking pretty unstoppable as America’s anti-sweetheart.

But a dark horse has emerged. Well, maybe not a dark horse, but a Palomino? Like, what I’m trying to say is, she didn’t come out of nowhere, she’s been flying under the radar, but she’s experienced quite the surge in popularity lately. Ladies and gentlemen… Anna Kendrick.

anna kendrick silly

(Same deal: every girl wants to be friends with her, every guys wants to do her).

Anna is the star of Newcastle’s clever Superbowl commercial parody, a web video that hilariously mocks the ridiculousness of expensive Superbowl commercials as well as Superbowl standard of having celebs endorse cars and beer and other products.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9g9wXBkdWEg

Besides being the best non-Superbowl Superbowl commercial ever, Anna comes off in this bit looking like the coolest, funniest, down-to-earth hot chick.

So, let’s break it down: who would you want as your celeb BFF, Jennifer or Anna?

Small Screen Commercials

You’ve already seen Anna’s non-Superbowl Newcastle commercial above. Here is Jennifer’s, a My Super Sweet 16 MTV promo, for which she got her SAG card.

Advantage: Anna. I mean, yes, Jennifer was 14 and playing a spoiled teen, and Anna is a 28-year-old confident in her “hottest girl in your improv class hot” girl. But still. Anna kills it here. You totally want to not drink Newcastle beer with her.

Big Screen YA Fiction Characters

A crucial demographic lolz. We’re talking about The Hunger Games’ Katniss Everdeen (*cough* The Girl On Fire *cough*) versus the Human Best Friend in the Twilight books. If a guy breaks your heart, Human Best Friend will be all like “Ugh what a jerk. I guess that’s why you shouldn’t date vampires,” and offer you some ice cream. Katniss will shoot arrows at him to make him dance like the monkey vampire that he is and say, “Guess the odds weren’t in your favour, bitch.”

katniss-shoot-arrow

Advantage: Katniss. I mean Jennifer.

Social Media Savviness

Jennifer doesn’t have Twitter or Instagram. She does have a Facebook page, but those pages are useless, basically all promotional material and no glimpse into the actor’s life behind the scenes. Anna, on the other hand… Anna is a social media goddess. Buzzfeed upon Buzzfeed upon Buzzfeed has been written about the sublime perfection that is Anna’s Twitter wit, and her Instagram is the pictorial version of said wit.

anna kendrick tweet 1 anna kendrick tweet 3

anna kendrick tweet 4 anna kendrick tweet 6

anna kendrick tweet 5 anna kendrick tweet 7

Advantage: Anna. If you don’t follow her already, make it happen NOW. @annakendrick47. You’ll thank me.

Friends with Beyonce

Anna Kendrick is friends with Beyoncé because they met at the Grammy Awards (In my mind, as soon as you meet Beyoncé  you become instant friends because you’ve stood in the light of her halo). Jennifer Lawrence is not friends with Beyoncé  I Googled it.

anna beyonce

Advantage: Anna. Duh, it’s Beyoncé.

Drinking Buddies

Anna stars in a movie that is literally called Drinking Buddies. But something tells me that Jennifer Lawrence could drink us all under the table. After all, she blamed her emotionally wobbly Golden Globes acceptance speech on the fact that she wasn’t drunk enough.

Advantage: This might be a draw, but I think the edge goes to Jennifer on this one. After all, she’s a Kentucky girl and they can hold their liquor.

Photobombing Skillz

What do Sarah Jessica Parker and Taylor Swift have in common? Both have fallen victim to classic JLaw photobombs. The Taylor Swift Golden Globes photobomb even got meme-fied. Anna hasn’t gotten any sort of international or Internet press for photobombing a fellow celebrity at a major star-studded event.

photobomb

Advantage: Jennifer. Duh, she’s a meme.

WINNER: Ugh this is suuuuch a tough one. To be honest, I don’t want to jeopardize my chances of being best friends with either of them…  I want to be as funny and irreverent as Anna Kendrick and as drunk and silly as Jennifer Lawrence.

anna jennifer

Who would you choose???

In a Fantasy Football League of Her Own

I’m relatively new to the fantasy sporting game, but this is what I’ve figured out so far: 1) winning is awesome and 2) playing in a fantasy league is a totally bizarro way to experience a sporting season. (Yes, that’s just the first ground-breaking observation I’m about to lay on you. Buckle up.)

Last year, my first foray into football fantasy, I finished 8th out of 12 in my office’s fantasy football league, with a record of 6-7-0. I had no idea what I was doing, but I was happy with any wins that I got.

As I write this, my record is 4-0 for the season, though I fear that my streak will come to an end this week. I am currently No. 1 in my office fantasy football league and this is pretty much the most absurd thing. Mostly because I am the lamest fantasy football league owner ever. I’m not making any sort of anti-feminist commentary here; I’m just talking about me, and how I deal with the very complex feelings that go along with playing fantasy football. 

Case in point: I drafted Peyton Manning in my second round. He was very, very good to me on Game 1, Day 1, Week 1 of this season. And he’s been good to me ever since. I feel like I owe my standing to him. But do you think that, when I woke up on the Friday after Peyton tied the NFL record of 7 TD passes in a game, my first reaction was, F*CK YEAH PEYTON! THROWING IT LIKE A BOSS! PLAYA GONNA PLAY!”?

(I just heard how ridiculous those words sound coming out of my mouth. I’m happy to re-enact upon request.)

Nope. My exact words were: “Awwww Peyton! Way to go! I, like, want to send him flowers!”

I’m not even joking. My first instinct was to send Peyton Manning flowers. 

I have developed a weekly fantasy football ritual. Every Tuesday morning, I take a screen shot of the current standings, as I sit on top, and then text my brother “STILL #1!” Is this totally lame? You betcha. But every player on my team has become close to my heart. My drafting strategy was doing a lot of research, little of which I understood, and then selecting players in a panic and in vain hope that I was choosing well. But now that they’re Team Puck Bunny, I want to hug every one of them.

KT

(Actual text conversation)

For me, the hardest part of playing the fantasy points game is that you’re inevitably rooting for at least 8 players and 1 team to perform below expectation that week. Let’s say you’re playing against Wes Welker, and he suddenly starts sucking at catching, you’re super happy. But do you stop to think about what happens to Wes Welker if he plays a mediocre game? He probably gets yelled at, guys. Shouldn’t we feel a little bit sorry that this guy has failed to do the one thing he needed to do this week?

Maybe not. I Googled Wes Welker’s wife and she’s pretty hot, so my sympathy only extends so far.

I can’t participate yet in the smack talk game because I’m still learning and I would feel badly making do by indiscriminately insulting these players’ mothers. So, apologies to my fellow fantasy football league owners for maybe not being the most engaging person to play against. But I’m having lots of fun.

And PS, I’m still looking for Peyton Manning’s favourite flower. The Internet doesn’t know the answer, and I’m no fool — my #1 status is basically all him. Thanks, Peyton!!!

Beyonce-SuperbowlRequisite Beyonce Superbowl pic.

The Peculiar Case of the Celebrity Instagram

The Celebrity Instagram, to me, is an incredibly puzzling thing.

I’d say that about a quarter of the people I follow on Instagram are celebrities. Now, these people don’t follow me. They don’t know me. And they never will. So I’m constantly mystified by the phenomenon that is commenting on celebrity Instagram pictures.

For many of the particularly famous accounts, Instagram is almost like a personal tabloid mechanism, but one that they control. Beyonce constantly posts pictorial responses to rumours and controversies about her: a picture of her wearing a “Can I Live?” sweatshirt after the Inauguration lip-syncing brouhaha; a picture of her sipping wine after rampant pregnancy speculation; and a “Take That Mitches” Romney dis after Obama won, which she quickly deleted.

In a really simplistic way, social media can be taken through one of two lenses: 1) this is what I’m doing and I want you to think I’m cool, or 2) my life is better than yours so you can suuuuuck it. Most of us peasants fall into the former category. And by and large, celebrities’ Instagrams strike me as the latter, by virtue of the fact that for them, Instagram is a one-way street – they post their pictures, which are met with unabashed adoration:

“I love you, be my best friend.”

“You’re gorgeous, can we hang out?”

“You’re hilarious. I love your show. You’re a cutie.”

For the most rabid of fans, Instagram, following in the footsteps of Twitter’s “I can peek in on the thoughts of famous people” ideology, is a means to try and get noticed by their favourite celebs, and a forum to make purely nonsensical comments.

TaylorSwift

I know Taylor Swift is a real sweetheart, but she probably doesn’t care that she is 11 years and 1 month older than one fan, or that another fan’s birthday is December 4. And what astounds me is that those comments have zero correlation with the picture posted.

My favourite celebrity Instagram for perusing insane comments is Kim Kardashian, because generally her pictures and captions are ridiculous, but the people following her manage to take it to a whole other level. Take this group pic that Kim posted from the Met Costume Gala, andconsider how rodmonium’s astute comment really adds something to the conversation:

photo

Like, whaaat?!?! Sometimes I read these comments and feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

Am I the only one who finds this interaction between fan and celebrity so odd and funny? As opposed to Twitter, where you only really view comments if you click directly on the tweet, Instagram comments are displayed for anyone to see and soak up the crazy. 

I’d be very curious to get the celebrity perspective. No doubt they are flattered by their photo being liked by tens of thousands of people. But do they read every comment? What do they think of them? Does Mindy Kaling say, “Hey BJ Novak, look, this person said, ‘Please get married. We all know you eventually will.’ LOL!”

At the end of the day, there is still a wall between fan and celebrity, even though social media tricks us into thinking otherwise. Instagram teaches us that celebs are just like us. They work, they play, they travel for work or pleasure, they hang out with their friends. It’s just that their lives are infinitely cooler than ours on a regular basis.

gillian jacobs

You said it, andreaisabell71.

So I’ll continue to look at celebrities’ Instagram pics, and smile when I see something cool. I don’t know if I’ll ever be compelled to comment on a picture, but maybe I’ll start liking their photos every once in awhile. Because even though I know they won’t notice me, I’ve heard that insecurity is a defining characteristic of a famous person’s personality.

LaurenConradsombrero

Lauren Conrad, your silly little sombrero hair pic only got 91,800 likes? Ok, fine, I’ll throw you a bone and make it 91,801. I know you need the validation.